How is your relationship serving you?

I once wrote a piece titled “It Hurts Like Hell,” stating, “Every single person who comes into our life has a role to play. That could be to teach us life lessons as we also fulfil our role to teach them life lessons in return.”

These encounters can vary from brief, purposeful moments to long-lasting relationships. The nature of our relationship with each person is shaped by their purpose in our lives, just as ours is informed by the purpose we fulfil in theirs.

However, problems arise when we try to transform a temporary, purposeful relationship into a long-term or permanent one. In my experience, this often leads to frustration.

‘Letting go’ of what is no longer giving you peace is a choice that creates space for new peace and growth. Not all relationships are meant to last, and that’s okay. Ask yourself: Is this connection helping you grow or holding you back?

If your relationship is full of blame and criticism, it’s time to rethink. If defending yourself has become a daily habit, ask yourself if the sacrifice is truly worth it. If contempt or disrespectful comments towards you happen every day, it’s time to wake up to the reality that the change you’re hoping for lies in your hands. And if stonewalling—ignoring or shutting you out—occurs daily or weekly, you may need to decide if what you have is the best you can get.

This summarises what Dr Gottman describes as the four Apocalypse of relationships.

Remember, you can’t change someone who isn’t ready to change. But you can choose what you allow in your life. Sometimes, letting go opens the door to healthier and more positive connections.

Now, I am not advocating for mass breakups. None of us are immune to relational conflict, as no relationship is perfect. Conflict is part of the process of our social being.

What I am saying, in effect, is to remind you of your worth. Healthy relationships involve mutual respect, and there is hope in most difficult relationships if there is no abuse.

As long as there is space for clear communication and conscious efforts to put things right, you can work on putting the wrong right with a willing party.

That, in essence, would mean (willing parties) making conscious efforts to bring positivity into their relationship. Positivity means deliberate actions taken throughout the day with the intent to forgive, overlook, avoid negativity and be positive in your communication.

You may slide back from time to time because you are human, but remain focused on the bigger picture or the end result and observe how your relationship grows or transforms.

Trust yourself. You deserve a life filled with love, respect, and harmony.

Choose what nurtures your soul, not what drains it.

Have a lovely weekend.

By: Chris Kolade
Principal Consultant
United-In-Separation®
https://www.unitedinseparation.com